Episode 4: My Childhood

Welcome back!

Today’s episode will cover the events that happened throughout my childhood. 

From my very first memory to the events leading up to my last episode; 
I’ll be sharing the rest of my life experiences and a few memories with you all! 

Topics discussed in this episode will include the growing pains of childhood and learning how to cope with unexpected hardships that might occur in life.

The main portion of the podcast will be in the first 25 mins. 
I decided to do another oracle card reading and singing bowl, so feel free to end the episode if these two parts of my podcast if its not for you. 

Cheers to Episode 4! 

XOXO,
Janny

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Transcript

Episode 4: My Childhood

Hi everyone! 

Welcome back to Janeration, with your host, Janny Nguyen! 

I know my last episode was pretty intense, given the amount of trauma I went through in college..  And I know that going through hard times makes you a stronger person, but…

Sometimes it's hard being strong when you feel like life keeps pulling you down; 

it’s exhausting. 

But remember, YOU are in charge of your life. So be your biggest cheerleader!

As a daily reminder, 

I have this plaque in my bathroom that says,

“Remember you are BRAVER than you act,

Stronger than you seem, 

Smarter than you think, AND

Loved more than you know”

I see and read it every morning and it's a constant reminder to not give up or quit on my life.

So take control of the wheel and commit to your journey.. No matter where it takes you.

Speaking of which, I hope you enjoyed the oracle card reading from my last episode 
as much as I enjoyed pulling the card for you! 

It was so nice to hear from a few of my listeners & what the card meant to them--

I absolutely LOVE that some of you shared your reaction to the oracle reading with me!

I LIVE for moments like this! 

So please, feel free to message me on IG at @janeration.pod or on facebook and share your reaction with me! (ONLY IF you’d like)

I’m so excited and hope to hear from as many of you as possible!

Today’s episode will cover the events that happened throughout my childhood. 

From my very first memory to the events leading UP to my last episode; 

I’ll be sharing the rest of my life experiences with you all.

Let’s get started!!

*rainstick*

What is your earliest memory? Think about that for a little bit. 

What is the very first thing/memory you have of your life?

Who does it involve? Where were you? How old were you in this memory?

It’s hard to imagine or think about, right? 

Let me share mine with you.

When I asked myself this question, I had to dig, and think really really hard about it.

I mean, everyone suffers to some sort of memory loss as they age, right? 

I mean I barely remember what I did last weekend, lol.

So digging up the earliest memory of my life was kind of hard to fathom.

BUT, once I shuffled through my memories, I remembered ALL the details of my first memory. 

It's crazy to say, but the very first memory I have of my life is the asthma attack I had when I was only 5 years old.

I mean it’s insane how our brain works; I can’t even remember what I ate two days ago for lunch, but I have a very vivid memory of this event. 

I guess that means my long-term memory is pretty solid since I’m able to retell this story. 

Here it goes:

The first few things that come to my mind when remembering this, was that it was dark out. 
I was sitting on my parents bed, it was time to go to sleep. 
I felt thirsty, so I asked my mom for some water. 
She came back with water for me, only to find that I was “blue”. 

From what my siblings told me, I was rushed to the hospital. 
The next thing I remember was opening my eyes to several doctors in turquoise scrubs staring at me. 
I know this may be hard to believe, but I felt this and remember it til this day. 
Right after I saw the doctors, my eyes closed. 

Then, I felt my body jolt and my eyes opened again. 
I saw the doctors again, one holding the two metal iron paddles, 
heard a bunch of monitors beeping, 
then had an oxygen mask put over my face. 
I obviously couldn’t piece it together at the time, but I was literally brought back to life!

My next vision was waking up to my parents. 
My mom brought porridge in my elephant sippy cup I had as a child. 
I just remember being dazed, confused, and eating as my mom spoon-fed me in the hospital bed. 

This was the first time anything like this had ever happened in my family. 
I can’t imagine what my parents went through; and my heart aches for the pain they went through when they discovered I had asthma. 

I had to get an inhaler, but had to use this weird tube-like apparatus to help guide the medicine into my lungs. 
I’m pretty sure that had to be used since I was so young. I just remember it was annoying. 

I’m unsure what actually triggered my initial asthma attack, but I can’t believe I survived this and remember it so vividly. Sometimes, I feel like I'm somewhat experiencing it again every time I think about this story.

*rainstick*

It was pretty scary, but I’m so thankful for being alive today to share this story with you. 
So let’s remind ourselves that we can’t always control what happens in our lives, but we can accept it and take responsibility for our future.

I am also very thankful that my family was able to get the help and resources it took to take care of my lungs. 
My family immigrated from Vietnam to the United States just a few years before I was born. 
We got by with food stamps and other government grants/funds, so having a medical condition didn’t make it easier on my parents. 

The journey my family had coming here wasn’t easy, as they encountered several hardships as they sailed their way from Vietnam to Hong Kong, then to the Philippines where they stayed at refugee camps before finally arriving in America. 

My father fought in the Vietnam War (for south vietnam) and I believe that is what propelled the process for my father, mother, brother, and four eldest sisters to enter the country and seek refuge. 

Idk the correct position or title of his job, but I know that my father was the guy in charge of moving the soldiers when a bomb threat was nearby. He wore the giant, heavy, army bag where signals and calls were made through those bulky, old school radio phones. How insane is that? I’m so proud.

Anyhow, when my family finally arrived my other older sister, Thuy, was born two years later and she was the “celebratory baby”--the first american-born baby in our family. She was a happy, jolly, adorable, funny, witty little girl. She sang and danced to everything as a kid. 

I was the second american-born, but I didn’t necessarily get to share the same glory that Thuy had.
Throughout my childhood, I constantly felt like I was the “problem” child. 

I know that it's mainly bc I had several health issues, which stressed out my family financially, and made me feel like a liability. *LAUGH BITCH*
So as a child, I didn’t really feel good about myself. I felt really weak, clumsy and naive.

My family and parents ALSO hoped that I would be a BOY--they wanted to wait until I arrived to find out if I was going to be Richard or Jenny. HAHA

Long story short, my siblings wanted to name me Jenny, but my dad spelled my name out the way HE thought it sounded phonetically to him, with an A. 

So, up until I was 8 years old, everyone actually called me Jenny. 
This is also another memory I remember very clearly. 
I was in the third grade, and my teacher was checking the attendance sheet and began calling out everyone’s name. When she got to my name, she pronounced it “JANNY”. 

Idk how I was able to make this decision at that age, but I literally decided at that moment I wanted to be known as JANNY, not Jenny. So I raised my hand and said, “here! That’s me!!” with such confidence. 

I think a part of me wanted to let go of “Jenny” and take on “JANNY” because maybe psychologically I felt a negative association with that name.. Idk just accessing myself outloud.. 

How crazy is that? Young me made a decision that affected the rest of my life! 
I think this is probably the first major decision I made, ever. 
AND I’m so proud of little, young me! 
Because how many JANNY’s do you know out there, right? 
I am so proud of my name and rock it to the fullest!

*rainstick*

Anyhow, being raised in a traditional, buddhist, vietnamese family, I was also becoming aware of the cultural and social differences between Vietnamese and American lifestyles. 
Like food I ate at home vs at school were completely different; 
I learned that everyone has different religions and faiths and we all practice different holidays. 

For instance, we didn’t celebrate Christmas in my household. 
It wasn’t until I was in the third grade that I experienced Christmas for the first time:

It was Christmas eve, 1998. 
My brother had JUST came back from the army and gathered my entire family in our living room.
He brought gifts for us all. 
It was my first time getting a present for Christmas, and I had no idea what to expect.
I was surprised and super excited to open my present. It was a scrabble board game. 

I didn’t know what kind of game it was at the time, but I was glad I got a gift. 
I’ll never forget how happy we all were, BC that my entire family was together and somewhat celebrated an aspect of Christmas for the first time--It’s a memory I’ll cherish forever. 

BUT-- what I’m about to share with you all is very personal, and I will disclaim that this event was ultimately, the most traumatic event of my life.. And will be the last unfortunate memory I’ll share.

The next day was Christmas.
My father and sister, Samantha, had already left to work at our family liquor store.
A few of my sisters and I were watching cartoons as my mom was making pho.

Then the phone rang.
My older sister, Linh, picked up the phone. 
As I watched her take the message, she suddenly dropped the phone and looked in complete shock--
The phone fell right next to the pot of pho! 

I remember her saying, “daddy’s hurt”. 
Linh called my other sisters because they were apparently at the scene.
We then changed the channel and saw everything on the news.

Our family liquor store was robbed by two criminals and my father was hurt--
After hearing and watching it ALL over the news, my family and I lost my father
I couldn’t believe it. I was only 8 years old and my father just passed away.. 

I still don’t understand why my father’s life had to be taken away. 
I was angry, furious that this happened to my family, on Christmas.
I can’t go further into this memory because its too painful to continue, 
But I can tell you that the two criminals were caught and charged with murder and robbery. 

*rainstick*

After losing my father, I did not like Christmas. I was traumatized.
My family, my childhood, went through an enormous loss..
I hated being reminded of the holiday.. every time it came.
My siblings and I suffered years of missing him
BUT I can’t begin to imagine the pain this caused my mother, since she had to raise 9 kids on her own. 

I was very young when I lost my father, but losing him forced my siblings and I to really step up and take care of each other to ensure that our mom will be proud of everything we accomplish and/or achieve.

For instance, my sister Thuy, actually made a chore chart for my younger sisters and I. 
I hated it when I was a kid, but hey it taught me to be responsible and good cleaning skills/habits.

But to give a lil background of fam, My father was the head chief of our village in Vietnam, so that makes our family the head of the village as well. When the news reached our village in Vietnam, they were horrified that my family had to suffer growing up without my father. 

As painful and heart-wrenching as it was to have to push through my childhood AND the rest of my life without my father, from that point forward, it was our duty (my siblings and I) to continue to build on the family’s legacy and honor our father to make Him AND our village PROUD after everything he sacrificed for us to have a better life.. Here in the US.

Losing my father definitely influenced my determination to have and live a successful life. 
Throughout my childhood, I was always told to go to school, get good grades, get into a good college, get a good paying job, you know, the usual rundown. 
And you know who used to tell me this the most? Sam. That’s why she pushed me so hard.

Anyhow, the rest of that school year was a blur, but I remember moving houses and being around my cousins a lot after my dad passed away. 
I’m so glad I have such a huge family and with so many cousins, uncles, and aunties to lean on during this time... Family is so important when it comes to love and support. 

One cousin in particular, came into my life at this time, and still remains to be my bestie of over 22 years ‘til this day. Her name is Mimi. 

It was summer before 4th grade where I met my cousin, Mimi for the first time. 
Our families were celebrating my cousin’s birthday and that’s where we met. 
I don’t remember a lot about our first interaction, but a few days later when I went to visit the new house my family was moving to, I saw Mimi, again! 

We found out that day that we were going to be neighbors!
Mimi and her family lived in the front house while my family was going to live in the back house. 

This was such a critical time in my life, and I didn’t realize how much of a role she had and how positively she impacted my childhood.

We grew up together; went through elementary school, middle school, and high school together while living in the same home for all those years!

Mimi was there for me throughout all of my first life experiences. 
Like my first kiss, first bf, first everything. 
I remember having so many sleepovers, building forts in our garage, singing and dancing in the sun while our parents yelled at us for getting too “tan”, doing homework together.. 
Gossiping about boys in our rooms.. *smile*

Especially in the darkest moments when I really needed a shoulder to cry on.
From times where I really missed my dad to sucky things that happened at school, 
she was always there.
I feel so blessed to have her in my life. I love you so much Mimi! You mean so much to me!

When we began our first school year together, I had to go through counseling with the school therapist to help process the loss of my father.. 
But tbh I don’t think I understood what it was supposed to do for me at the time. 

What I did understand and experienced, was the love and support from people I had all around me. 
My family, Mimi, friends at school, and a few teachers that knew about my family that helped uplift my life and made my childhood as best as it could be--and it was.

My childhood was filled with numerous memories of family camping trips, weekends and summers at the beach with a bunch of my cousins, and endless amounts of birthday and family celebrations. 

My siblings and I did a pretty good job filling our lives with a ton of memories..
and I’m pretty sure that these are the things that helped build such an amazing childhood for me. 
I am very lucky to have as much family as I do, and I can’t imagine my life without any one of them; especially my mother. 

My mom is the strongest person I know, and I owe my life to her. 
She worked multiple jobs to keep a roof over our heads and deserves the world on a platter.
It’s an honor to be her daughter.

*rainstick*

Nevertheless, who has a “normal” childhood? 
Everyone goes through different hardships at different points in their lives, but it’s WHAT YOU decide and HOW you choose to move forward with your life that makes it worthwhile.

So I hope I’ve made my daddy proud.

I completed all of my academic education with straight A’s, had honors, and participated in almost all curricular activities while in highschool. 
I constantly kept myself busy and it resulted in how determined and focused I was for my college ed. 
If you listened to my past two episodes, you’ll know that my alma mater is UCSB!

Throughout all my experiences that I’ve just shared with you all today, I’ve come to realize that:

“The BEST things in life are the People we love, the places we’ve been, and the memories we’ve made along the way”

*I actually have a plaque that has this quote in my house, I love it!*

Going through traumatic events as a child and losing someone you love is never easy, 
no matter who it is. 
We all grieve from the pain that is associated with our past, but it's important to own your life and grow from it all. Plant the seeds you want your life to have, and water it with love.
Remember to stay close to our loved ones, tell them we love them more, support, and celebrate each other to the fullest!

Alrighty, this concludes my life experiences from my childhood.
I hope that by sharing my stories, it can help anyone out there; who's also experienced any of the things I have, to know that they’re not alone. 
We are all human and all face different challenges in our lives and there’s absolutely no shame in asking for help or guidance, no matter what.

Speaking of guidance, I’d like to end this episode with another oracle card reading from the “Chakra Insight Oracle” Cards and book by Caryn Sangster.

So, let’s clear our mind, take a deep breath, and relax our body. *take a deep breath*

As I shuffle the cards, think of an intention or question 

If you can, write it down to remind yourself of your intention.

After I pick an oracle card from the deck, 

I’ll read the card and allow you to reflect on what it means to you!

Okay, here we go!

I hope you have your intentions ready for this reading!! Here I go shuffling the cards!

*reading*

How do you feel about the card?

Did you resonate with it? Were there any connections to your intention?

Please let me know by commenting on the post for the podcast on my IG or FB page!

Alrighty everyone! This sums up Episode 4 of my podcast!

Again you’re listening to, “Janeration” with your host, Janny Nguyen! 

My next episode will be a short little wrap up discussing this past season and preparing you for the next season of my show!

If you liked what you’ve heard so far, please make sure to visit my website at https://janeration.buzzsprout.com where you can follow and subscribe to my podcast!

Don’t forget to also follow me on IG under @janeration.pod 

OR on FB at www.facebook.com/janny.nguyen

Thank you again so much for listening in!

Stay tuned for the last episode of this season! 

Talk to you all soon! 

Xoxo,

Janny 

BTW: Episode 3’s singing bowl sound was created with the solar plexus

For today’s episode, I will be using the Heart chakra singing bowl. Here we go!

*singing bowl*